Biography of a fat boy

It has been about a week and a half since this boy has returned home for his winter vacations. And in this time he has been one of the most physically active persons in this world. His schedule for a typical day has been…. Wake up at about 10:30 am. followed by breakfast (WoW!!! Eating Time) at about 11:30 am. Then he does some miscellaneous stuff on the computer (Yeah!! That’s a real workout) for 2-3 hours. This is followed by lunch (Wah Wah Khana!!) and again spending time with the computer (mainly listening to songs). Finally dinner (Food!!) at about 9 and late in the night he downloads a few things till about 1 am. The only little deviation is when he performs driving duties for his mom and takes her to the market or to any other place. Now that’s about all the physical activity that he performs. All this hard labor leads to some kind of growth in that boy. Now there are two types of growth that can take place in a person. And each of them can be analyzed in two different ways (depending on the frame of reference).

The first type of growth is growing taller. Now as told earlier, there are two ways in which you can analyze this. The first can be done by following these steps….
1. At any time look up… What do you see? The blue sky, birds flying and the sun gleaming?? Now if this is the case then your observation will not be correct. You need to step inside your house. Now look up… You see the ceiling? Ya good.
2. Now after some time when you are at your home (and you are standing in the same place as you were before) look up again. You will again see the ceiling… only this time it might appear closer. If that is the case… you have grown taller.
So you take yourself as the frame of reference and only realize that the ceiling is coming down, which is actually an incorrect conclusion.

The other way is to change the frame of reference to anything else (stationary and passive). Now from that frame of reference (which could be a measuring tape) when you see yourself at two different points of time you realize that you have grown taller. Thus this leads to the correct conclusion.

Now the next type of growth is obviously in the other direction. So again in this case depending on the frame of reference you are either blowing up… or everything else is coming nearer to you.

Now in this case obviously the growth in the boy is of the latter type. Now that is definitely not good. Not healthy at all. You need to work out… you need to exercise. Oh! But why? You don’t exercise if the waist of your trouser shrinks… it’s the trousers’ problem. So every day he sits in his car (on the driver’s seat) and realizes that the steering wheel is coming closer to him. Now how do you make him understand that he is growing fat! You simply can’t. Have a peak into his dictionary….

fat: adjective (comparative fat•ter, superlative fat•test) having a bodyweight greater than yours; having more flabby tissue than what you have;

Now that is the problem… if that is how you will define fat, you will never be fat, forget fatter or fattest!! You can not have a bodyweight greater than yourself! Ab use yeh kaun samjhaye?

Now every time anyone calls him fat… he checks out his dictionary and realizes that others are joking. And this leads to complacency. And so he just goes around eating ‘this and that’ cause now he has a new reason for eating apart from the fact that he loves eating. And the reason is that he is not fat!!

And this complacency leads to excessive eating. One of the recent example could be his dinner at Nirula’s Chandigarh on 16th of this month…. The display outside the restaurant really got him into his groove… Unlimited Non Veg Buffet Dinner!! Wow! He promptly went inside, paid for his meal and started his dinner. They ran out of Chicken (the only non veg dish) and he made them cook another one. He ended up having 20 pieces of chicken. Furthermore Nirula’s had run out of Gulab Jamun (which was the desert after the buffet) so he was given an ice-cream instead. Even after the enormous meal, the fat-boy felt just right. When someone comments on his diet, the answer is pretty straightforward. I quote “There are two kinds of people in this world. Those who eat for leaving and those who live for eating. I am of the latter kind.” Your really can’t deny that. This fat boy certainly lives for eating.

As time goes on these ‘enormous meals’ become more frequent. As the frequency increases the beautiful body shape turns evil. For females he may be consider 36-24-36 as ideal, but what about himself? 44-36-##. That should go down… But he thinks otherwise. “I cannot slim down. Not in this life.”

One of the ways to get him to slim down could be by making him following this:

My advice if you insist on slimming: Eat as much as you like—just don’t swallow it.

Harry Secombe Welsh singer, actor, and comedian.
The Daily Herald (London) (October 5, 1962).

Ah! If only that would be possible!! If only his fetish of food would magically turn into fetish of a slim look. Hopefully the New Year will bring some changes in the fat boy’s mindset. Who knows? Some nice games of football might do the trick. But till then he won’t lose a pebble!!

Now why is this post a biography, and not an autobiography?… Kyuki main koi mota thode hi hoon!